If you're getting Mom a card for Mother's Day, you're getting the greeting card company's very best and not the ones they passed on. For some of those, check out this list of The Top Rejected Mother's Day Cards.
Where other moms look tired and worn . . . you're still hot enough to do MILF porn.
As a parent you haven't been half bad . . . I just wish you could remember my Dad.
I mom you love! Though even drank while you pregnant you were.
Mom, I'd love to take you out to an expensive dinner . . . but I'm broke, so here's a fidget spinner.
Take time to enjoy your special day . . . because in six months we put you away.
Thanks for everything, Mom, from feeding and clothing me to going with me to prom.
Unlike your husband, or as I call him, "Daddy" . . . I'll stay by your side, even though you've gotten flabby.
May your Mother's Day be happy and bright . . . I'd visit, but I'm busy playing Fortnite.
I'm moving out . . . now that I'm grown. Plus the walls are so thin, I hear you and dad moan.
Here's some money just for you . . . use it to remove your swastika tattoo.
You were the person who taught me how to behave . . . but now that's R. Kelly's job as his sex slave.
Mom, you're the reason I'm here . . . and also the reason I drink so much beer.
I loved you since the day I was born . . . even though later, you confiscated all my porn.
To the woman who has always been there . . . to criticize all my life choices.
I'm so grateful for all of the good times we've spent . . . I just have one question: Can you cover my rent?
Today is the day I salute you, Mother . . . even though you had sex with my brother.
Mom, you're a person that I adore . . . even though your boobs now drag on the floor.
Everything worth knowing YOU taught me, like hotwiring cars.